


Broken Things Only Needed Plasters

by ReasonToSmile



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Getting Back Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:55:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7282477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReasonToSmile/pseuds/ReasonToSmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been a year since the end of Lovely Little Losers. Ben and Bea are making their way back home after a year of travelling. Kit and Freddie are still together and still cute as hell. </p><p>Pete and Balth are going through a rough time. It’s over, after everything they went through, it’s really over. But life continues, and so do they, even if getting over the love of your life is not so easy, especially when you’re living together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Things Only Needed Plasters

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another Pedrazar fic! I know it's been a long time since it ended, but I've had a hard time finishing this due to hellish finals (which are now thankfully over).
> 
> The title comes from the song _More Than Friends_ by Gabrielle Aplin. I first listen to this song when I was halfway through this, and it conveys this story quite nicely. If you have time, listen to it.

_It's strange to hear so many people chanting your name_.

That's the only thought in Balthazar's head (apart from a high pitched scream and his mantra: _Don't fall off the stage, don't fall off the stage_ ) as he looks at the crowd. 

It happens in every gig. He can't believe - _can't believe_ \- that all these people are here just for him. For his music, for his songs.

It's a small venue, but it's packed. There's a sea of faces, all staring at him, but there's one missing.

Peter's.

Of course, he's not going to come. Why would he? They are not together anymore. He's not Balthazar's boyfriend, he's not Balthazar's anything.

The thought is like a punch to the stomach.

He pushes it aside. It's not the moment to think about his complicated love life. There will be time for that in a few hours, when he gets home. For now, all he has to focus on is his guitar, his piano and the people chanting his name.

 

***

 

It had happened on a Saturday.

Exams and work had kept them away from each other the entire week, so they decided to go out on a date. Peter had been getting moodier with time, exhaustion and anxiety taking a toll on him.

It got even worse when they bumped into Meg and Vegan Fred at _Boyet's_. Balthazar had immediately started chatting amicably with them while Peter glowered at Fred. It had been a little uncomfortable, since Fred still showed an inappropriate interest on Balthazar.

The rest of the night had been tense, both boys avoiding the topic until they reached home. Once there, when Balthazar had asked his boyfriend if he wanted him to make some tea, Peter snapped. At first, Balthazar had been quiet, confused by the sudden outburst, but he had soon gotten infuriated and yelled back.

They had fought for what seemed like hours, throwing accusations back and forth, until they were out of strength. They were both crying, faces red and hearts broken, Peter had looked at Balthazar and declared in a tiny voice that it was over. He stepped back to his room, drying his eyes with his sleeve, and Balthazar watched him walk away.

 

***

 

There was not much left to say after that. They avoided each other, like two people just out of a relationship often do. Balthazar tried to corner Peter a few times to get an explanation out of him, but after a couple of excuses and a teary Peter's _please, Balthy, please, just let it go_ , he stopped.

One day, a week after the fight, Balthazar came back home from class to find his room half empty. All of Peter's stuff was gone. He walked to his closet and opened it. All of Peter's clothes were gone, the only giveaway of their previous presence being some empty hangers.

He wanted to scream or cry, but he didn't. Instead, he put his headphones on and let Mumford and Sons lull him to sleep.

 

***

 

A record label contacts Balth after the gig. They offer him a record deal, and give him a card. Balthazar takes it, stunned into silence. It takes a few minutes to sink in, and when it does, a huge grin crosses his face. He wants to scream, or maybe throw himself to the floor and roll, but he rushes home instead, eager to tell his flatmates.

"It's kind of my dream, you know? I can't believe it's actually happening."

"Well, you're the only one," Peter interjects. "We all knew you were going places." He smiles.

It's the most they have talked in weeks.

 

***

 

Benedick and Beatrice come back from their trip, this time to stay. They go to Aukland for a whole week with their families before travelling down to Wellington. Beatrice is enrolling in university there, and Benedick has decided to give it another try -he's swore off latin this time, thankfully.

Despite their families' warnings and their own fears, living together for a whole year has made their relationship stronger. When they turn up, Ben states their intention of moving in together, alone. They rent a flat not far from the other's and come over almost everyday.

They've brought gifts for everyone and Beatrice insists on showing them a million photos. Ben tells them all about the places they've been to and the people they've met (and the birds he's seen), which makes him sound a bit like Rosa sometimes. When Balthazar points that out, he's met with a scandalised squeak.

It's good to have them back. Like old times, the gang reunited. He knows that it's not the same, that everyone can feel the tension when Peter and Balthazar are in the same room, but they don't mention it. They keep them apart from each other as much as they can, and avoid talking about anything that relates to their previous relationship. Ben tries to talk to them both about the reasons behind the breakup, but Peter storms out. He doesn't try again, although Balthazar and Ben have long, painful conversations about it in Ben's brand new bathtub. Balthazar feels a little better after those.

 

***

 

They go out to town and get completely smashed, because they're young and foolish and their friends just got back from their year-long trip. They dance and they laugh, and it's almost like nothing is wrong in the world.

It's still dark when they get back. Meg's gone to her apartment and Kit and Freddie disappeared in the middle of the night, so it's just Ben, Bea, Peter and Balthazar. They're still drunk, singing " _Beatrice, You're Vivacious_ " into the empty street and leaning on each other for support. Ben and Beatrice's house is closer, so they drop them off and continue walking. They fall silent as they leave their friend's porch, not touching but closer than they've been in months. The flat is only a few blocks away, but it seems like miles in Balthazar's shoes. When they get inside, he mumbles ' _goodnight_ ' and heads to his room. Just as he's about to enter, he hears Peter call out his name.

"Balth."

He looks back and Peter makes his way across the room to him. They stare at each other for a few seconds. They're standing outside of Blathazar's room, in the same spot where months ago they had screamed at each other in fury. Now, it doesn't seem like it's going to end like that. Balth's tired of fighting, and he knows Peter is as well. So they just stand there, their eyes drifting between their eyes and their lips, neither leaning forward or stepping back.

Finally, Peter sighs and shakes his head, looking defeated. He turns around, but as he does so, Balthazar grabs his arm and pushes him back towards him.

They kiss messily, both intoxicated and eager and _they've missed each other so much_. Peter tugs at Balthazar's shirt, pulling it off, and Balth walks bacwards towards his bed, taking Peter with him by his jeans. They fall into bed together, laughing into each other's mouths, undressing each other, and it's bliss.

 

***

 

When Balthazar wakes up his bed is empty but still warm. He rolls over the other side and buries his head in the pillow, inhaling Peter's unique scent.

He hears noise outside. He ventures out of his room after putting on his pyjama pants and a sweatshirt. Peter's in the kitchen, pouring coffee in two mugs. His hair is completely dishevelled. He turns around and spots Balthazar. He smiles shyly and offers him one.

Balthazar accepts the mug and sits down. He gives the coffee a small sip and closes his eyes. Now, if this moment could last forever...

"Balth." Peter calls him, and he opens his eyes. He's sat in front of him, face serious. "We should talk about last night."

Balthazar is about to open his mouth to talk when he notices something's off. He takes Peter in, noticing for the first time his red eyes and slumped shoulders. He looks like he's been crying, and his expression is not open and inviting, like Balthazar expected, there's something else...

' _Oh_.'

It's not a ' _let's get back to the way things were_ ' face, it's a ' _let's forget last night ever happened_ ' face. Balthazar deflates. He lowers his mug to the table and stares at it, carefully not making eye contact with Peter.

"Last night was- It was a mistake." Peter drags the words, like he is not completely sure of how to follow. "We shouldn't have done that." He tousles his hair with his hand, messing it more. "So, can we- I don't know, can we not make a big deal of it and move on?"

Peter is rambling, which doesn't happen often. He looks at Balthazar intently, waiting for an answer, but Balthazar is still staring at his mug in silence.

How can he be so foolish, to think everything could be fixed with a night of drunken fumbling? He has let himself get caught up on a fantasy, a dream that can never come true. Reality hits him like a ton of bricks.

Maybe broken things are not made to be mended. Maybe their relationship is broken beyond repair, and as much as Balthazar tries to pick up the pieces, he will never be able to put them back together.

He nods, because Peter is still looking at him, waiting for an answer. Balth forces a small and fake smile and gets up.

"Maybe I can't believe that things are really over, not when you keep jumping into my bed."

"It won't happen again," Peter assures quickly. "I promise."

"Okay then," Balthazar acknowledges, going to the kitchen to clean up his now empty mug. "Have a nice day."

"You too." Peter's voice sounds small and quiet, like he's trying not to annoy Balthazar, or maybe he's just hungover.

Balthazar cleans up and goes to his room. He's about to break down, he knows this, so he gets dressed and heads out to Ben and Bea's instead.

 

***

 

"Maybe you need to make him jealous."

"No, I don't think that'll work. That's the reason he broke up with me. It'll only fuel him more." He can already imagine the look Peter would give him, one part sadness, one part "I told you so". No, that idea is off the table.

"You could write him a song."

"Because that hasn't been overused." After a few minutes of quiet thinking Balthazar asked, "Could you, maybe... Talk to him?"

"I've tried," Ben answers. "He's not listening to me. He keeps saying you're better off like this. You know how he gets."

"I know." Balthazar sighs at his boyfriend's -ex-boyfriend's, he winces- stubbornness. "I just want an explanation. Maybe Bea could talk to him? He always listens to her."

"I'll ask her," Benedick reassures.

"Thanks. I'm sorry for getting you involved in all of this, I know it's…" Balth apologises before Ben cut him off.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Benedick smiles, rising his hands. "Do you remember who you're talking to? I _love_ meddling."

Balthazar smiles back.

"Okay then" he whispers, looking back down at his hands. Benedick rest a hand in his shoulder in reassurance.

"It's going to be fine, Balthy," he says, his voice filled with concern. "He's going to realise how much of an idiot he's being, and then he'll come back apologising loudly. Like he always does."

"I know that. But then it'll happen again, and again… I don't think I can handle that" he admits, defeated.

He hides his head in his hands, afraid he's going to start crying in front of Ben. But the tears never come, and Balthazar thinks maybe he's used them all up. Benedick wraps his long arms around the smaller boy, who leans into his friend with a sigh. Maybe, with the help of his friends, it _will_ be okay.

 

***

 

It doesn't work.

Beatrice takes Peter out for coffee and tries to make him open up about their split, but there's no answer. Peter deflects every single question and turns the conversation around to Beatrice's gap year until she gives up. Then he proceeds to sip his coffee -not _Boyet's_ , Peter refuses to go there anymore- and listen to Bea without uttering a single word.

That's what Beatrice tells Benedick and Balth when she gets home. Balthazar has been hanging out at their flat a lot more since the hook up, trying to avoid Peter and the feeling he gets in the pit of his stomach every time he sees him.

"He refuses to talk about it," Beatrice explains, throwing herself to the couch and flinging her legs on top of Ben. "I mean, he talked a little about class and a new play Costa's directing, but nothing of substance."

Balthazar covers his hands with his sweater and sighs. He's not surprised, though. Peter's always been good at covering up his emotions, better than Balthazar.

"It doesn't seem like he's drinking as much as last year, though. At least that's something," she tries to cheer Balthazar up. "And, for how much he mentioned him, he seems to be talking to John a lot."

"Well, that's good, right? That he's talking to someone, even if it's not any of us." Ben interjects with a bitter smile.

"Yeah," Balthazar agrees quietly. "That's nice. John's a good man to talk to."

They're both staring at him with pity and after a while he excuses himself and hides in the bathroom to calm himself down. He's all out of tears by now, but he can't help the pain in his chest, like little needles through his heart.

When he comes out Bea and Ben are in the kitchen preparing dinner. They haven't heard him yet, so he stops at the door frame and stares at them. They're side by side, silently cutting up the vegetables and sneaking smiles at each other. Ben bumps Bea's hip softly, and she returns it more forcefully. They've been like this since their return. Closer, more in sync, more in love. The exact opposite of Peter and Balthazar.

Although, that's not exactly it. They had been getting more and more involved up until the breakup. At least that's what Balthazar thought. That's why it has been such a surprise when it happened. As cliché and it sounded, he had been falling in love with Peter more and more every day, and it seemed like Peter felt the same way.

Why would he throw that away? Why would he want to step back when they were so happy? Unless...

Unless he wasn't really happy. Peter is very good at hiding his feelings, he knows that. Maybe he wasn't happy, maybe he was looking for a way out.

And Balthazar loves Peter a lot. So much, he's ready to let him go, just to make him happy.

He coughs and Ben and Bea turn around. When he has their attention, he says, "Maybe we should leave it, guys. If he doesn't want to be with me... Maybe it's better this way. Better to forget about it and move on."

They raise their eyebrows in sync.

"But... He loves you, Balthazar, I know it," Beatrice says.

"Perhaps," Balthazar agrees. "But he's not happy, and if he's not happy-" Balthazar tries to explain, even though his head is all over the place. "I want him to be happy, more than I want him with me," he ends. Balthazar looks at his friends pleadingly, hoping for them to understand.

There's a few seconds of silence when the couple thinks about it, and then Benedick says, "Okay then. We'll drop it."

Balthazar smiles gratefully. Then he goes to the cupboard to get their plates out, and they resume dinner without a word.

 

***

 

By the time dinner's over it's pretty late, but Ben puts in a movie and the three crash in the couch. They fall asleep halfway through it and wake up tangled and sore all over.

It's Sunday, so there's no rush to get to class. They have breakfast together and Balthazar decides to go home soon after. Ben and Bea walk him to the front door and hug him tight before he leaves.

He walks slowly, headphones in and humming along to a music. It’s eerily quiet in the street even if it’s not that early in the morning. He gets to the flat and goes straight to the kitchen. He drinks some water and ventures out to find Peter sitting in the living room table, staring at him angrily.

“Where the hell have you been all night?” He asks, eyes wide and hurt.

“Sorry,” Balthazar says, although he’s not sure why. “It got pretty late and I forgot to call-”

“Well, you should have. I’ve been worrying all night, and then you come in all chipper and whistling and-” Peter breathes in and looks down in an effort to calm himself, and Balthazar is so confused. “You don’t have to rub it in, you know.”

Balthazar frowns at him.

“What?”

“If you and Fred- If you were with him, and you spent the night- You don’t have to rub it in,” Peter stammers.

Balth’s eyes open widely, suddenly understanding what is this all about.

“I wasn’t with Fred. And even if I was, what gives you the right to judge me?” He asks, hurt and angry. “You lost that right what you decided to walk out on us. You don’t get to comment on what I do or who I do it with.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you,” Peter confesses, and it’s the first time he shows any kind of emotion since that night. “I don’t want to see you hurt-”

“It’s too late for that, isn’t it?”

It’s a low blow, he knows, but he’s mad at Peter, and mad about him. Balthazar knows he cares about him, but it’s been so long since they honestly talked to each other that all he’s wanted to say to him for the past few month is starting to come out in waves.

Peter’s eyes are wide and wet, like he’s about to cry. He’d already been crying before, Balthazar thinks, noticing how red and puffy they are. He feels a sharp pain in his chest at how broken and vulnerable he looks. He sits next to Peter. Next time he talks, he does is softly.

“Just talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

And just like that, it’s like a dam breaks and it all comes down at once. Peter starts sobbing, hiding his eyes in his hands. Balthazar can’t handle seeing him in so much pain and wraps his arms around him. Peter’s whimpers get louder. Balth makes him get up and leads him to the couch.

A few minutes go by until Peter quiets down. They don’t talk yet, just listen to each other’s breathing and hold each other close. Balthazar extracts some tissues from his jacket pocket and offers them to Peter. He takes them, cleaning off his snot and tears. Finally, Peter seems to find his voice.

"I thought I was going to lose you. That you wold find someone, someone better, and leave me."

"That makes no sense," Balthazar interjects. "You were scared of losing me so you pushed me away? That's insane, Peter."

"I know," he agrees. "I just thought... I don't know. I thought it would be easier this way."

 _If I left before you broke my heart_ , he thinks, but doesn't say it out loud. Balthazar understands anyway.

"Who said l was going to leave? I never showed any interest in Fred or any other guy. I wanted to be with you. No one else."

He took Peter's hands in his and gave them a light squeeze. Peter looked at their intertwined hands, lost in thought.

"Peter," Balthazar called, making the other boy look up. "I've loved you for as long as I've known what love is. In any way possible; as friends, brothers, unrequited crush or boyfriends. I've loved you when you were good and when you fucked up. I've loved you more than I've ever loved anyone, and I've never stopped, not for a second, not once."

Peter's eyes fill with tears again. Balthazar is not one for long speeches -he prefers to put his words into a song- but when he gets to it...

"But I keep breaking your heart," Peter sobs. The honesty in Balthazar's words comes crashing down on him. "I don't even know how you can look at my face right now," he finishes.

"You have a beautiful face," Balthazar whispers lovingly, and it brings a smile to Peter's face.

They rest their foreheads in each other’s softly. They fall silent, breathing in sync and holding hands.

"What would I do without you?" Peter whispers after a while, voice so low Balth wouldn't have heard him if he weren't so close.

"Luckily, you won't have to find out," he answers, retreating a little.

"I almost did."

"Oh, come on. We both know this wouldn't have lasted long," Balthazar insist. His left hand caresses Peter's hair. "We love each other too much."

The hand in Peter's hair moves to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. Peter flings his arms around the smaller boy and burrows his face in his collarbone.

God, he's missed this. He's missed it so much. He's missed Balthazar's smell. His fingertips drawing circles in his nape. The comfort and intimacy of holding someone you love in your arms. The way their bodies fit so perfectly against each other.

What in the world had made him think he could be happy without him? As if he could just move on. Every cell in his body screams in relief. His eyes close and, for the first time in weeks, his body eases on the tension that's been adding up inside him. He's finally home, after weeks of wandering through a tortuous path he chose for himself.

It's going to take some time for both of them to get back to normal. There's too many thing they need to talk about, too much air to clear. Peter is ready to let his guard down, though. He's ready to talk and listen, to let Balthazar in _completely_. He knows he's not the best a communicating -neither of them are- but he's willing to try, now that he knows there's nothing worse than living without Balthazar.

And it's the same for Balthazar. Their breakup, it looked nothing like the one with Damian. Balthazar had been withdrawn for a little while, but he had gotten over it pretty fast. This time, he's seen his boyfriend cry, he's seen the same pain Peter had been feeling reflected in Balthazar's eyes.

In the end, Peter knew Balth had been right. They were always going to get back together. Like a phoenix down in flames, they were meant to raise from the ashes, stronger and braver.

Peter only wishes it hadn't taken him so long to realise.

 

***

 

 _Don't fall off the stage, don't fall off the stage_.

The gig is about to start. Balthazar walk to the mic and adjusts it. He can feel the butterflies in his stomach. All these people, singing his words...

He looks up and scans the room. Nameless faces, staring at him, waiting, until -there he is.

Peter.

He's in the first row, right next to Ben, who is holding Bea from behind. He catches Balthazar's eyes and waves, smiling. Balthazar breathes deep, already calmer.

It's Peter's smile. He looks at Balth as if he's the one who keeps the moon gravitating around the earth. He smiles and his eyes are brighter, his face is softer.

Balthazar smiles back, and sings.  


**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr: [findanotherreasontosmile](http://findanotherreasontosmile.tumblr.com/)


End file.
